Fun Rosters! Picking my Most Joy Filled Sports Teams... MLB edition
- Jonathan Ennis
- Apr 22, 2020
- 10 min read
You know what’s fun? Sports! What’s even more fun than sports? People who have fun while playing sports! Continuing from the sports shutdown let’s look at some more players who caused me joy! This time we will look at the sport of Baseball. Baseball is in need of some help in the joy department because it can really suffer from being boring to the average fan so there’s going to be a lot of bonuses awarded to people who brought some fun to the game!
Starting Lineup:
Pitcher: Randy Johnson- Who doesn’t like “The Big Unit” If you don’t then you’re not a real baseball fan… the dude was dominant until his mid forties… had an amazing mullet and killed a bird with his fastball… easy choice for my opening day starter!
Catcher: Ivan “Pudge” Rodrigues- PUUUUUUUDGGGGEEEEEE! I remember going to a Rangers-Astros game in 2009 where I ended up sitting one row behind former president George H.W. Bush and got to talk to him… 14 year old me didn’t give a crap because I also talked to Pudge and shook his hand! The last truly great two way catcher, best defensive catcher of all time… it felt like you were more likely to win the lottery than steal a base on him… just joy to watch!
First Base: Jeff Bagwell- My Childhood was dominated by a certain letter as a Houston Astros fan… the letter “B”… Jeff is going to be the first of several “Killer B’s” on this list… Unfairly kept out of the hall of fame solely because he was a power hitter during the steroid era for a long time… finally getting his due. Jeff was my favorite player growing up… I crouched when I batted because of him… I wanted to dominate the strike zone like he did… I wanted to play first base like him… just seriously awesome player… loved him!
Second Base: Craig Biggio- Look when you hold the MLB record for HBP’s you are a man… When you make All star teams at multiple positions you are a man… when you have a career where you were elite as a Catcher, Second Baseman, Center Fielder and Left Fielder you have passed from being a man to a legend… The fact that it took him three years of eligibility to make the Hall of Fame was my nail in the coffin for any sort of semblance of legitimacy for the MLB Hall…
Third Base: Adrian Beltre- I don’t care if you were a fan of the turn of the century Dodgers, Mid 2000s Mariners, or the last decade plus of his career he played in Texas, one thing was certain… Adrian Beltre could make you smile! His antics are hilarious! He’s one of the most fun having personalities in all sports history and he has been missed over the last season or so…
Shortstop: Cal Ripkin Jr.- This was a bit of a misplaced position here because I mostly remember Cal as a Third baseman, but no way was he beating out Adrian at that spot… looking back at it I almost think I more remember the legend of Cal as the best Shortstop than I remember Cal himself playing… however he’s the first major sports personality I remember retiring (For good because a certain Basketball player kept coming back to play for the Wizards and possibly tanking his GOAT status by being a disappointment).
Left Field: Barry Bonds- Ok, elephant in the room time… Steroids… Yes he did them… I’m not going to defend cheating… but I will defend fun… spoiler alert there’s gonna be at least three more confirmed Steroids guys on here and three involved in a certain trash can gate because it’s my list and I can chose to selectively remember my joy if I want to! With that out of the way let’s get to Barry… Between 2000 and 2005 Barry never got out and hit a homer ever time he breathed… at least that’s how elementary school Jonathan remembers it… The fact that Barry isn’t in the Hall even with the cheating scandal is asinine… If Barry isn’t allowed in the hall we need to remove Bud Selig’s plaque and use it as a communal toilet for the rest of eternity.
Center Field: Ken Griffey Jr.- So I missed his dominance in the mid 90’s but man was he fun even when he was with the Reds and White Sox. Junior had the smoothest swing of all time, he smiled every second he was on the field and he HATED the Yankees… what more did I need to love him?
Right Field: Lance Berkman- Fair warning… there will be more complaining about the hall of fame in this section. Lance Berkman was the consummate team player… he went to right field after basically never playing the position because of Jeff Bagwell… Then after Bagwell retired he moved there full time… succumbed to the evil empire and fell off a cliff only to rise like phoenix from the ashes to not only win comeback player of the year with the Cardinals but also a World Series… Every Hall of Fame voter should immediately slap themselves in the face for failing to vote him in…
Bullpen:
Other Starters:
Justin Verlander- Look… His pitching dominance brought this sad Astros fan a world series… (Remember when talking about pure joy we can selectively ignore trashcan gate). Verlander is the only guy who we can track that has thrown above 102 after pitching 8 innings… He has flaming lasers of pure anger attached to his fastballs and is quite frankly the most jaw dropping fastball thrower I’ve ever seen. The only shame in his career is that he languished away in the cesspool of Tigers baseball for so long before going to an organization that knows what it’s doing (if not al little bit too much foreknowledge…)
Andy Pettit- Ok Usually I hate Yankee’s but I also love my Astros players so Andy and another guy in this rotation will get a spot here for being part of the pitching staff that almost got me to the promised land while I was in elementary school. Andy is the all time MLB leader in Playoff wins but because the Hall of Fame is a dumpster fire he’s not in. Honestly the way he handled coming forward about Steroids is one of the best things I’ve ever seen from an athlete character wise…
Roy Oswalt- Roy had a huge peak but fell of quick… He’s my only understandable omission from the Hall amongst my Astros listed and trading him was the first domino into our current high quality play… Leading the NL in ERA one year and wins in another while also making three All-Star teams and winning an Olympic Gold is still nothing to sneeze at also… any time I’ve made a created pitcher in any baseball video game I use his pitching motion.
Roger Clemmons- So, forgive me for beating a dead horse here but… MLB Hall… Come on here… We literally have an award for the best pitcher each year… one dude has won it 7 times… the second place amount is 4… and the dude with seven isn’t in your Hall? This is why baseball is losing younger millennials as fans… “see everyone you saw be awesome as you grew up? THEY DON’T EXIST AND YOU’RE BAD FOR EVEN REMEMBERING THEM!” Not a great marketing strategy… just sayin’…
Relievers:
Bartolo Colon- Ok serious question does anyone have a guy who’s just your favorite not because they’re really good, not because they play for your team but just because they’re Bartolo Colon? I mean the joy he played with... the fact that he was the last active player to retire who played in the 90s... the Adonis like physique of “Big Sexy”… No list of players like this would be complete without him! (Obviously more of a starter than a reliever but he made a few relief appearances so we can list him here right?)
R.A. Dickey- So quickly throwing this out here… In 2001 I thought I was related to this dude so I followed him a little more closely than other people but the knuckleball dragged me in… That thing was amazing! no control of it but in 2012 it was unhittable.
John Smoltz- Speaking of unhittable pitches… JOHN SMOLTZ FASTBALL! Smoltz pitched for a crazy long career as both a late reliever and Starter with massive success… HE threw heat like crazy… It was awesome! I’m not even close to a Braves fan but If Smoltz was throwing I’d watch.
Pedro Martinez- Pedro Martinez has the two most impressive pitching seasons in the history of baseball… Not Hoss Readburn, not Cy Young, not Bob Gibson… Pedro Pitched two consecutive years with an ERA under .207 he had two years in his career with a sub two ERA!!! Smack dab in the middle of the era of people “eating very balanced breakfasts.” To me Pedro is the most impressive pitching prime of my lifetime.
Set Up:
Brad Lidge- Ok… I have a big problem with people who choke away my playoff victories… to put this in a basketball perspective… Chandler Parsons almost deserved to lose his career after forgetting to switch onto Damian Lillard and leaving him open to win that series… Trevor Ariza is dead to me after going approximately 0-85,000 in game seven against the Warriors… and Brad Lidge… is the reason we lost the World Series in 2005… Lidge’s saving grace is three fold… 1. He eventually got his mojo back and I’m a sucker for a comeback story… 2. He was a consummate team player all through and I’m happy he won a Series even though it wasn’t with us… and finally, 3. Garrett Cole choked harder than he did, threw the entire team under the bus and then signed with Mordor so I guess I can forgive Lidge…
Eric Gange- Eric Gange is guy like 8 on this list that confirmed that he used “Flintstone Vitamins” but you know what, I still love him… He threw consistent triple digits on his fastballs, had the same facial hair as my uncle Edwin, and had that awesome at bat duel with Barry Bonds in 2003… just awesome!
Closer:
Mariano Rivera- I know, I know… I just put a Nazgul servant of Sauron on my list… Mariano played for the Yankees and should be shamed forever because he played on the most evil organization in the history of pro sports… but man that cutter though… walking out to Enter Sandman and the fact that he absolutely destroyed people is great… you think I would forgive Baseball’s Hall of Fame for unanimously electing him but you know what…. the fact that it took a career like his to warrant the first unanimous selection is farther proof of the incompetence and futility of the entire institution…
Bench:
Backup Catcher:
Yadier Molina- Yadi was so fun to watch… the fact that he played enough with one team to have his career able to drive is also a plus… The only guy who could come close to rivaling Pudge for me… awesome dude… fun to watch and a great guy from all accounts.
Backup Infield:
Rougned Odor- I was tempted to use this spot on a different Texas Ranger from the 2010’s but I’m still a little bummed from remembering losing two World Series’ under the Brad Lidge entry and if I have to remember Prince Fielder’s retirement press conference I’m gonna cry like a baby so I’m gonna go with Odor here for one reason alone… I’ll let you guys guess why… I’m sure you’ll get a “puncher's chance” with it…
Jose Altuve- Let’s see… pre Jose Altuve the Astros organization had 1 MVP award (Jeff Bagwell in 94) and a soul crushing World Series loss in 05… and then Bud Selig in his Emperor Palpatine esque evil manipulations had caused us to switch leagues and we were spiraling but, one short, amazing man changed everything! He re-invigorated the franchise, won an MVP, lead us to a World Series win, and won my heart! We can mention tears of joy that I shed when we won… we will not mention trash cans or buzzers…
Backup Outfield:
Carlos Beltran- Let’s take this back to 2004… ten year old Jonathan gets to go to his first game at the newly named Minute Maid Park… the Astro’s have just traded for a rising star from the Royals… AND HIS LAST NAME STARTS WITH A B! I’m not sure if this is exactly how it happened because it’s been 16 years and I don’t want to try to baseball reference these facts but Beltran comes in batting second after Biggio flies out… Beltran gets hit by a pitch… (see the Biggio entry, that’s a big deal to me.) Next pitch he steals second as Lance Berkman takes a ball… Ball two and Beltran steals third standing up! The Expos pitcher (by the way doomed year where the Expos were trying to play in Montreal and San Juan while everyone knew they were going to Washington and it felt like they lost 300 games in a 180 game season) throws a pitch into the backstop on the next pitch and Beltran steals home! I explode in joy! I forget my weird anger that the Astro’s don’t play in the Astrodome anymore… I forget trying to figure out what an Enron is and why the park isn’t named that anymore… The Astros just signed the best player of all time and I am happy!
Now obviously Beltran signed the largest contract in baseball history to play for the Mets after that year… we got better without him and he is now disgraced as the inventor of “trash can gate”… none of that stopped me from almost crying that summer when he signed with New York and telling my dad “we just lost the next Ken Griffey Jr.”… look 11 year old me was not great at prediction future success… but I did know I liked Beltran.
Josh Hamilton- Like I said earlier… I’m a sucker for a comeback story and I don’t know that theres much of a better one in sports than Josh Hamilton… Number one overall pick… the lows of drug addiction… eventually having to be rule five selected before a break out 2008… I still remember the 08 home run derby… he lost but no one even remembers who won that year… (I looked it up, it was Justin Morneau) Hamilton had one of the biggest peaks of any hitter outside of the steroid era… 2008-2012 Hamilton was one of the most feared hitters in baseball history… I mean people intentionally walked him with the bases loaded because they knew he would hit a grand slam. Josh is a great way to end it… his peak was so short theres no way he could make a Hall of Fame that actually cared about showcasing it’s best players much less the absolute dumpster fire that is the MLB hall.. but he will live on forever in my memories of sports joy!
So what do you guys think? What baseball players do you have fond memories of? What stories will you tell your children? And how much do we love this sport?
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